You Owe No Explanations To Anyone, Account Only To Yourself
Sometimes we adopt the judicial method with our friends. We are the vigilantes of our mind, subjecting it to continuous scrutiny and judgment, asking for explanations. Not content with that, most of the time we offer the possibility for other people to evaluate or judge us, with the risk that their opinions and judgments will be unhappy.
You should not look outside for explanations and answers that only you can give yourself, intimately and quietly. Who cares what others think is far from that goal. The truth is, pure souls and busy minds don’t have the time or the will to meddle in anyone’s life, and self-assured people don’t allow anyone to do so.
You must be accountable only to yourself, not in an inquisitive way, but in an open and frank way. Only each of us knows the reason for each of our actions, decisions, joys and sufferings. They are on the subjective plane, in the depths, in what only we know about ourselves.
Our life, our own explanations
We sometimes claim that others in our same situation would have acted in the same way, but that really is without foundation and importance. Comparison with the rest of the world is useless if what we are looking for is inner peace and not social approval.
We have to try to make our heart help in the complicated task that our memory has to emotionally integrate what we live throughout our life. Avoid seeking consistency in everything we do, putting a label, to choose to find out if our actions reveal the search for a reason, a feeling, a desire or the desire to avoid failure, criticism or pain.
Sometimes our story has several interpretations and unknowns, but it always has a common denominator: overcoming fears, getting rid of masks, swimming against the current of our traumas and ghosts, seeking love, avoiding loneliness.
If life is not always coherent and fair, it makes no sense to ask for so many explanations. The others aren’t either, so it’s just worth our own reflection. Explanations have to come from me to explain something that has always troubled me. My own questions with my own answers.
Being accountable to yourself is not a punishment, it’s a reconciliation
There’s something almost everyone craves: a memory of a good time, a memory of a triumph that seemed impossible, a collection of happy, meaningful days. Even though many days leave us orphans of illusion and hope, we all have good memories and attitudes that make us feel proud of ourselves.
It is practically impossible that everything that has been experienced by a person has been negative. Sometimes a simple walk along a beach feeling free is worth the meaning of a lifetime. A passion lived in the past holds the most valuable reason for wanting to improve, progress and evolve.
To reconcile with yourself is to whisper softly and in secret, without others knowing and being able to hear. Reconciling with yourself is knowing how to sing to yourself, without it hurting so much that something new and good is not born in you. Because you are not born knowing: we live by learning. Because knowing how to fly is putting your feet on the ground and knowing how you have to move your wings to get to the top.
Because no one knows what they want and doesn’t see what they need either. Reconciling with yourself is looking at an old photo where you still didn’t know what others expected, but you sensed what you wanted for yourself.
Sometimes the disappointments caused by the fact that we ran away from everything before, are the engine that guides us to be what we’ve always wanted: someone brave who fights for what he wants, who takes risks without fear of losing, and with the certainty that the that bet is not worth less than what you want.
If the opinions of others don’t define you, don’t continue to value them more than your own opinions. There is no age to start from zero, nor a limit number that prevents us from moving forward. It doesn’t matter how long you spent walking around, if in the end you ended up visualizing what you want for yourself. Don’t be so accountable to others and laugh more at what you love. Your life and the one you care about will end up thanking you.
