What Is Narcissistic Supply?

What is the narcissistic supply? Before defining it, let’s look at the narcissistic concept . After all, what does it mean to be a “narcissistic” person?

The DSM-5 defines the narcissistic personality as a dominant pattern of greatness (in fantasy or behavior), a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins in the early stages of adult life and presents itself in various contexts.

In essence, it manifests itself through feelings of grandeur, beliefs about oneself as being “special” and unique, with an excessive need for admiration.

It is noteworthy that, according to psychiatrist Otto Kernberg, the narcissistic personality is situated in a spectrum that goes from “normal” to pathological (narcissistic personality disorder, according to the DSM-5).

Therefore, not all people with narcissistic traits suffer from a disorder, as this largely depends on the degree to which they have the traits.

Below, we explain aspects to be considered about the narcissist and his supply.

The narcissist’s main goal is his own well-being.

The narcissistic person is characterized by taking advantage of interpersonal relationships, that is, taking advantage of others for their own purposes, regardless of what the other person might feel. Your main objective is your own well-being. Thus, others become instruments.

They don’t care if their supply is having a bad time or if it needs its own space. The narcissist is all about satisfying his own needs, even if it means ignoring the other person’s needs.

So what is the narcissistic supply?

Narcissistic supply is a concept introduced in psychoanalytic theory by the Austrian psychoanalyst Otto Fenichel to describe a type of interpersonal admiration, support or sustenance, extracted from an individual from their environment that becomes an essential element for their self-esteem.

In this sense, following the author’s definition,  the narcissist needs a person who becomes his supply, his source of supply (which supplies what he cannot give himself). This source of supply becomes an extension of itself, as if it were part of it.

For this reason, there is no limit between the “I” of the narcissist and the “I” of the supply, that is, the narcissist assumes that his supply must feel, think and act like him, because the supply has no identity of its own and exists to please you at all times.

The narcissist seeks to provoke reactions in others

An article in the  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Mitja Back, lead author) states: “What attracts us at first glance is not necessarily what will make us happy in long-term relationships. Although narcissists display this bright and charming facet, it’s often just a matter of time before the dark clouds appear. In short, there are two dimensions of the narcissist: the charming image and the image with unpleasant tones”.

In other words, the narcissist will likely  show his sweeter side to reach his goal, and when someone doesn’t behave as expected, he will show his less pleasant side.

It is possible that, when he gets what he wants from you, he may be cold, disinterested, evasive, irritated… His change of attitude is encouraged by the attempt to provoke a reaction that generates the behavior he wants.

For example, he expects you to meet him on a specific day and you can’t, so he’s distant because he couldn’t get you there as and when he needed you. Remember, his needs always come first.

Am I a narcissistic supply?

To conclude,  the narcissistic supply sometimes has no knowledge of what happens to it, has no idea that it has become a supply.

Therefore, if you suspect that someone in your environment or yourself may be a victim of a narcissist, it is worth considering the following:

• In my relationship, is what I feel and think really important or am I in the background? Are my partner’s needs first? When I don’t do what he expects, does he behave distantly or angry? Perhaps from these questions you will find an answer.

If so, that is, if your needs are in the background, you may need to keep some boundaries with that person and protect yourself. Don’t forget that you and your needs are important too.