Understanding Anger And Dealing With It
Love, joy, sadness, anger, longing, compassion… feelings are part of our essence and our personality. Both positives and negatives are present in our daily lives and are awakened by internal and external factors as well.
As much as we try to stay away from anger, it arises inadvertently for several reasons. A frustration at work, traffic, betrayal, etc. Even a Buddhist monk can be angry. The big difference is what we do with it. The first step in dealing with it is to identify where it comes from and what motivates it. Bert Hellinger is the creator of the Family Constellation and describes its different types:
The 6 Different Types of Anger
1- When someone attacks you or commits an injustice. The indignation reaction allows your defense and you to impose yourself, act in your favor. It is good because it strengthens you and also because it ends once the problem is resolved. It is an anger with purpose and focus.
2- When you fail to take, ask for or demand something that is rightfully yours. Instead of taking action, you get angry and mistreat the person from whom you should have demanded what is yours. This anger paralyzes, incapacitates and weakens. It doesn’t go away and it just grows inside you. Another example of this type is when you use it as a defense against love. Instead of expressing my feelings, I take the person out of anger and frustration. It may have arisen in childhood, when an affective movement was interrupted, whether due to separation, death, or any other reason.
3- When you hurt someone and you don’t want to recognize it. Through this anger you defend yourself from the consequences of guilt and push it onto someone else. As with type two, this feeling replaces action and allows you to be passive and paralyzed.
4- If someone gives you a lot of good things and you feel like you can’t give it back. Strangely enough, in this case, too, anger in the form of recrimination arises. This happens a lot between children and their parents. This anger replaces actions such as giving, thanking, and acting, and it can sometimes be manifested through depression. All paralyzing feelings.
5- When you take someone else’s anger and use it against others. For example, a woman who is angry with her husband but represses the feeling. The son can take this feeling for himself and use it against the father. Or when you’re mad at your boss but don’t argue with him, you can come home and take it out on your partner, or in traffic, or the waiter at the restaurant. You may feel entitled to act this way, but you use an inappropriate proportion and come away weakened from it all.
6- There is anger that is virtue, energy. It is an imposing, alert and focused force that responds to emergencies and boldly and knowingly tackles what is most difficult. This anger does not fit emotion. When necessary, it uses force and can even inflict harm, but it is an aggression made up of pure energy. It manifests itself as a strategic action.
Knowing how to identify this feeling helps to better deal with it and use it for good, as a motivator and a change factor in your life. Whenever you feel angry, stop for a moment and analyze the situation. Why do you feel that way? How can you channel this energy into action rather than standstill? Learn to live with your feelings and see them turn into something good.
See other ways to do this here: http://bit.ly/2anGIRn
