The People Who Count Go Away, The Ones That Are Left Go Away
People move forward surrounded by concentric circles of intimate relationships, which vary in degree and closeness and in terms of the purpose of the relationship. This objective may be to obtain an important and meaningful source of information for life, a stable help for the development of life, or simply a source of social well-being.
Think, for example, of the button on a shirt: it will fall to the floor if the threads connecting it to the garment are torn. With friendship something similar happens, although in this case the threads that unite it to the heart are more complex and evolve according to demands and needs, but also to expectations.
Friendship, like any other kind of bond between people, is not static. This dynamism makes it evolve and adaptations take place around it. However, sometimes the change is so great and so negative that the thread breaks and the button is lost.
These losses almost always leave a little nostalgia, as if they were irrefutable proof that we are no longer who we once were. However, this nostalgia should not confuse us, especially when relationships have become interested and surrounded, at the same time, by an aura of coldness.
The suffering of trying to glue what doesn’t fit
Attachment is harmful when it forces us to continue to maintain a relationship based on something that was once but is no longer; when a handful of fond memories sustain a tedious routine filled with disenchantment. The union that has turned into a mirror and that provokes confrontation deserves no more time than you already gave it.
It is not true that distance or difficulties spoil the affection or quality of relationships. Nor does routine, which becomes a known pleasure when the company of the other complements and increases our own daily well-being.
Relationships deteriorate because one or both parties fail to take care of it, in turn precipitated by the awareness that paths no longer converge, creating complete dissent. Unless you give in to the emotional blackmail imposed by the myth of stability, your existence will be subject to change, and so will your relationships.
If you strive to maintain by force what is naturally finished, you will be acting intimidatingly with your feelings and others, you can spend a life “stuck”.
We learn to hold but not let go
Quoting Osho, sometimes learning is not possible without getting rid of all learning. This does not mean falling into a kind of stupidity or temporary alienation, but not trying to understand, to start serving according to the intellectual, social and moral development of each one.
It’s about looking for what you need, not settling for what doesn’t hurt but doesn’t fulfill you either. Some people need to leave so that others can really keep up with him. No dramas, no traumas. Assuming changes in relationships as natural processes, as a sort of change of clothes for the skin.
This implies challenging one of the teachings received about love: love is not holding, but wanting to stay. Along with your friends and partner. Along with the books you read and the work you devote hours to.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of obeying one’s most basic intuition: letting go of what really has meaning, letting go of what no longer contributes, even if it has been with us for a long time, disguising the discomfort with the routine.
Wise than wounded, we will manage to make our own growth accompanied by people we truly want to keep in our lives, with whom we will have debates and different points of view, but with whom we will rarely have to measure the words we speak. You can count on me, because they count in my life.
