The Benefits Of Empathic Communication
Communicating effectively is not simple. Assumptions and misunderstandings are more common than clear messages and accurate interpretations. Therefore, it is important to know the benefits of empathic communication, also known as non-violent, and developed by Marshall Rosenberg.
This tool was created with the intention of providing the necessary skills for us to relate in a more collaborative way and in harmony with our values. Thus, in addition to avoiding possible conflicts and misunderstandings, it allows us to resolve them emotionally and rationally, abandoning more traditional ways. Empathic communication aims to help us maintain active listening based on mutual understanding.
assertive personality
Assertiveness is the midpoint between passivity and aggressiveness. A skill that allows you to express your personal opinions, respect others and also set boundaries. Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg encourages us to put it into practice to improve our relationships.
One of the most common characteristics of assertive people is the affection they feel for other people’s shortcomings. That is, they do not criticize them, nor show negligence or indifference towards them, but embrace them to understand them. Therefore, assertiveness is a fundamental aspect of empathic or non-violent communication.
Benefits of Empathic Communication
Empathy, this ability to put oneself in the other’s shoes, is also part of this type of communication, in addition to the domain of verbal and non-verbal language, both own and others.
This way of communicating aims to establish a sincere and authentic relationship between sender and receiver. Thus, some of the great benefits of empathic communication are as follows:
Creating Satisfying Personal Relationships
Empathic communication is defined by the expression of a concise, precise and rigorous message that contributes to a better understanding. This, in turn, leaves less room for criticism and more for effective message exchange.
Thus, if we share our concerns in an assertive way, we are offering the opportunity for the other to understand us and share our discomfort. Marshall Rosenberg particularly insists on the importance of involving the other in the “shared hope” between them.
Conflict resolution
The foundation of an adequate empathic communication is to speak of the feeling itself, of the “I”. So, no one can discuss what is communicated because that part is individual and belongs to the person who expresses himself. Therefore, when you want someone to interpret your message not as an indirection or an attack, but as an attempt at non-violent communication, start the sentences with “I feel” or “I feel”.
Instead of saying “We arrived an hour ago. You are always late. You’re selfish”, replace with “I feel that every time you make me wait so long, I lose the desire to meet you. It’s demoralizing, disturbing and makes me feel helpless.”
If you change accusations and criticisms into messages about how you feel, the communication won’t get so negative. The other person won’t be offended, you can express yourself, and instead of getting angry, you can come to a conclusion.
Honesty
You must be able to say “no” and accept criticism from others. Only then can you be honest with yourself and others. In order to be virtuous, you must eliminate all kinds of speculations or destructive communicative behavior.
According to Bob Wentworth, an expert on the benefits of empathic communication, “an observation sets the context, feelings support the connection and get us out of our heads. Needs underpin the connection and identify what’s most important, and a request clarifies what kind of response you’d like.” Using these components together eliminates all chances of making moralistic judgments, as you will see later.
Development of listening and understanding skills
Nonviolent communication promotes the development of self-empathy, understood as the compassionate way of understanding what is going on inside us. It involves noticing feelings, thoughts and judgments, and connecting with needs that paralyze or block us.
In addition, this type of communication also promotes empathy as the ability to affectively understand another’s heart. Therefore, it not only allows us to understand your ideas or thoughts, but also your emotions and feelings.
Conducts that block empathic communication
Rosenberg asserts that, just as there are many benefits of empathic communication, there are also certain ways of communicating that block the development of that kind of communication and, therefore, of empathy and assertiveness. Next, we’ll look at some of them.
moralistic judgments
Moralistic judgments are an impersonal form of expression that does not convey what the other person really feels, but masks it. They take different forms, such as criticism, humiliation, insults or cynicism. Rosenberg proposes to replace them with objective observations and avoid any judgment about the other to focus on what he feels.
“The report you gave me is terrible. So we can’t hand it over to anyone.” We can change it to “In the report you gave me there are some ideas that we would have to change. Change them before delivering to the customer”.
Requirements and comparisons with other people
Requests, demands, offenses… We use all kinds of tools to make the other understand us. In the end, they are threats that contain guilt or punishment if we don’t get the requested demands. In other words, they are forms of manipulation and aggressive communication.
denial of responsibility
A very common example of this behavior occurs when the teenager brings the grades home and says: “Mom, they suspended me” . This “they suspended me” rather than “I was suspended” is a way of attributing the cause of their misfortunes to outside agents and avoiding their responsibilities.
Another way to do this is to use impersonal or conditional language, referencing our diagnosis, history or experiences. The point is to avoid the consequences of taking responsibility for what happened.
As we can see, empathic communication requires a personal effort on the part of both interlocutors, but the benefits obtained deserve this prior work.
