The 4 Principles Of HT Kings Attraction

According to psychologist HT Reis, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, the available studies and literature allow us to establish four principles of attraction between people. These principles are those of similarity, proximity, reciprocity and stress.

The definition of these four principles of attraction is mainly based on studies of love relationships. However, the author defends its applicability in any form of interpersonal relationship  that does not involve family ties.

Each of the four principles of attraction talks about one factor that is decisive in categorizing the other as someone unpleasant or attractive. All show that, in this labeling, the person’s own mind influences more than the other’s characteristics.

The principles of attraction proposed by HT Reis

1. Principle of similarity

This principle indicates that people tend to be attracted to those who are similar to them. Somehow this contradicts the idea that “opposites attract”. In fact, we seem to like those with whom we share interests, concerns, or motivations the most.

This principle is based on the work of Donn-Byrne, who formulated the so-called law of attraction in 1971. This law indicates that the greater the number of similar elements, the greater the attraction between two people.

Similarity is one of the principles of attraction for three reasons:

• Those who look like us are in a better position to validate what we believe, think and are. This is very rewarding.
• The similarities reaffirm our interests and tastes. When we realize that more people share them, we deduce that they are more valid.
• The similarity facilitates sharing the same environments without conflicts or sacrifices. If one person likes theater and the other likes long walks, they end up doing each activity separately or sacrificing themselves and participating in activities they don’t like. If the tastes are similar, this sacrifice does not occur or activities together are more frequent and of higher quality.

2. Proximity principle

The proximity principle states that it is more likely to establish a friendship or a loving relationship with the people we are close to – whether physically or not.

Sharing the same environment – ​​real or virtual – not only facilitates interaction opportunities, but tends to increase mutual sympathy between people.

In one experiment, a group of volunteers were presented with photographs of unknown people. The same thing was repeated twice. The second time, the photographs were of new strangers and then some photographs presented in the first batch were included.

Volunteers labeled the strangers they saw twice as more attractive than the rest.

However, if the contact is extremely continuous or very prolonged, the attraction can turn into aversion. The same happens when initially there is antipathy and closeness is maintained despite this.

3. Principle of reciprocity

Another of the principles of attraction is that of reciprocity. It indicates that we tend to be more attracted to people in whom we perceive greater approval. In other words, we are more sympathetic to those who also sympathize with us.

This is because feeling accepted and approved by others creates a feeling of greater security, confidence, and gratification. Being accepted by others creates a chain of positive feelings within us. Therefore, we are attracted to the source of such feelings.

As established by HT Reis, the principle of reciprocity exerts a greater influence than the principle of similarity. We will feel attracted to someone who doesn’t look like us very much if that person shows that they accept us and treat us kindly.

4. Principle of stress and anxiety

This is the most paradoxical of the principles of attraction. He points out that people tend to like us and are more attracted to us when we are in circumstances that generate anxiety and stress.

So if we go sailing and a shark appears, the ship’s captain looks attractive. Or if someone shares a parachute jump with us, we’ll find them more attractive.

This explains why, under conditions where we feel scared or threatened, we want more social contact. The company of others gives us security and confidence, thus creating a bond that we want to be positive.

All of these principles talk about attraction, but not about affection or love. That is, they are factors that influence this kind of initial rapport with other people, but they do not determine the quality or depth of a relationship.