That Weird Feeling That “nothing Is Like Before”
Sometimes this strange feeling arises: that nothing is the same. Looks lose their shine, words lose their music, and day after day we are more aware that we are left with only ashes, and that sooner or later this swift wind that transforms everything will arrive. Moment for which we must be prepared.
It’s not easy. Throughout our entire life cycle, we have experienced this same flavor many times. Many say that everything is due to routine, it is she who drags its heavy chains around us to transform us into less spontaneous beings, less eager for closeness, for hidden affection and for details that speed up the heart.
Maybe it’s her, the dreaded routine, or maybe it’s us who change over time, ourselves who allow each day and almost without knowing why, our emotions are being erased. Sometimes we are like the candle that shines full of intensity during the night, a light that dances and inspires us with its shapes, but which is consumed for hours, until it finally leaves a strange aroma in the room, sweet and uncomfortable, as in a dream from the past that no longer makes sense in the present. Maybe …
Assuming that nothing is the same invites us to deep reflection. It may not be a forced end, but a moment of necessary dialogue, of mutual prevailing efforts with which to renew this bond, this relationship. Acting with maturity and responsibility is the best key to paving the way for a new beginning, or perhaps an inevitable end.
Nothing is like before and we are no longer the same as yesterday
When one becomes fully aware that things no longer have the brightness, intensity and magic of yesterday, the first thing they feel is a deep contradiction, the twinge of bitterness and the brush of nostalgia. More than moments, we miss the emotions of the past and the complicity that built a day-to-day where there were no holes, where the illusion filled everything and, in turn, guaranteed meaning to life.
When this emotional bond loses strength and the intimacy that the couple had yesterday withers, we could say that everything is missing. It is a slow decline that saddens and despairs at the same time, because our brain needs, above all, to “feel safe”. Think that he doesn’t like contradiction and these misfits that he instantly interprets as a threat, as a warning sign.
When we enter this alarming phase the first thing we do is look for a reason, although there are many who simply focus on the “who”. It’s common to project all the blame on the other person, “it’s because you neglect me, it’s because you no longer consider me, it’s because you used to do this and that before and now you don’t give importance to these details”.
Focusing exclusively on the other person to accuse him may be justified on occasion, of course, but it is not in all relationships that there is a single culprit. Also, it would be a good idea to get used to changing some terms in these kind of relational dynamics. Instead of using the word “guilt” and the negative component it implies, it is better to use the term “responsibility”.
In the game of energy and reinforcements, both positive and negative, that make up the couple’s universe, the two members are responsible for its climate and quality. And sometimes, and this is good for us to be clear about, it is not necessary to look desperately for a culprit to understand why nothing is the same, because we no longer look at each other the same way or don’t even seem to need each other as much as we did yesterday.
Love sometimes goes out. It could happen to one of the two, or perhaps to both. Because, although they often try to convince us otherwise, people change over time, or rather than change, they grow. New needs and new interests arise: what was once a priority is now not so much.
A fact that is not without a certain hardness that it is interesting to manage properly.
If nothing is like before, act
No one can or deserves to live forever in this anteroom of broken emotions, incomplete relationships or hopes that will never be fulfilled. If nothing is the same and nothing can fix it, we have to take the mature step to end the relationship in the most dignified way possible.
In an interesting 2005 study by the “Journal of Social Personal Relationships” , they concluded that there are three keys to closing a loving relationship in the most positive and appropriate way for both members of the couple. Thus, according to the results of this work, what should be avoided, above all, is what is known as the application of the “ghost effect”, that is, putting into practice an evasive behavior to gradually withdraw from the other without give any explanation.
Let’s look at the three keys to ending a relationship in a mature way below.
If nothing is the same, then it’s time to start walking apart
The first point when managing these situations is to make sure that there is no other option but separation. Always remember that we will face grief much better knowing that we have done everything in our power.
The second step that experts recommend is not to “destroy” the other before “ending” the relationship itself. We already pointed out in advance, sometimes looking for the culprits doesn’t do much good. If we make use of criticism, disbelief, humiliation and anger, the only thing we can do is feed the negative emotions until we create an energy so deep that it will prevent us even more from finishing this stage.
Finally, and although it is an aspect that is always difficult and that for many it does not make sense, it is necessary to forgive. Forgiving is not wavering; it is an essential rite of passage to let go without burdens, without grudges. It is putting an end to a stage where we must forgive each other for the pain caused, but on the other hand, accepting all the positives we share. A goodbye, accompanied at the right time by a brave “forgiveness”, will help us to start new paths, leaving behind a past where dreams and hopes no longer fit.
