Taking Control Of Our Lives
Have you read The Metamorphosis, by Franz Kafka? In this novel, a boy got up one morning and turned into a kind of cockroach. We also want a sleight of hand like this, but on the contrary: we want to wake up one morning and have all our problems solved. It would be ideal, no? However, this thinking is not very functional. So the best plan is to take control of life.
“One day everything will change and get better”, “You will see how everything will improve”… how many times do we repeat this type of phrase? For some strange reason, when life doesn’t go well, we tend to think that something outside will bring about the change. Suddenly something will change the direction of events and everything will get better.
We seem to be convinced that all problems will be solved. However, the things do not work that way: your life depends on you.
a great secret
Another great secret is that the life can not be solved alone. If we want to take control of life, it means doing our part. I’ve known many people who want to leave a relationship or leave behind an uncomfortable situation but are unable to make decisions. I also know many people who complain over and over again about how bad everything is, however they are not able to see their role in this game. In Kafka’s novel everything seems to happen by magic, but reality is not like that.
When this type of situation starts to occur frequently, we may be talking about the concept of victimization, through which we tend to think that we are victims of everything that happens around us. We are not aware of the power we have in our hands and we blame external events for the harm that happens to us and how unlucky we are. Without a doubt, one of the most harmful attitudes we can have.
If you sometimes complain with phrases like “everything bad happens to me” or repeat similar expressions as if they were mantras every time something negative happens, you will end up believing this to be true and will become a passive agent in your life, that is, a person without the ability to act. We all go through different situations, sometimes better, sometimes worse. In fact, sometimes several adverse events or favorable situations happen one after the other.
A large part of life depends on how we choose to face it, no matter how bad things are. There are people who, in the face of adversity, always smile from ear to ear, and others who only say sentences full of negativity and assume hostile gestures towards themselves, others and everything around them.
Best of all, although it may seem like a lie, you can also choose. You have the power to choose to live your life with equanimity, no matter what, or choose to live with a high level of anxiety and frustration.
let the change begin
In Buddhism there is a term whose description could fill hundreds of pages, but in short it is known as the Law of Cause and Effect, that is, Karma. According to Karma, if you plant a positive seed, you will reap positive fruit.
And what does this have to do with changing our lives? Very simple. Those who want change have to act. Nothing external will come to rescue them. All the energy you spend dreaming of a better life can be invested to start on a new path, to take control of your life. Because the new path depends only on you, on no one else. So if you start planting the seeds of change, change will come.
Change costs, requires effort and not everyone is willing to make it. We cannot pretend to change our lives without changing absolutely anything in our daily lives. For many years we acted in a specific way and this leaves very strong behavior patterns in each of us. What does that mean? That we try to solve problems in the same direction, although we often find that it’s not the best way.
Have you ever had classmates who, despite spending the day studying, failed? The vast majority of us know cases of very close people who insist on using the same methods, despite getting unsatisfactory results. Their beliefs lie in the fact that the effort wasn’t enough, yet generally the problem lies at the bottom.
If you study hard and fail, what could be the problem? The method. This is where we must work, to change the approach and method by which we want to achieve our goals.
The First Steps to Taking Control of Life
The first step in taking control of our lives is to analyze what we want to change. What aspects of our life would we like to improve? It’s very important to be honest with ourselves.
We tend to self-deceive, to lie, not to acknowledge our failures or not work on what is necessary. But that’s a mistake. Sincerity is important, plus it’s a job we’ll do internally, so we don’t need to tell anyone.
The second step is to look at what we’ve done so far so that everything stays the same. How have our strategies been? Why did we end up the same way? Why hasn’t there been a change in the aspect we’d like to change? We should note whether our tendency has been to repeat the same strategies over and over, and if so, it’s time to change.
The third step in taking control of life, almost more important than the previous ones, is to overcome fear. Fear is a much-needed primary emotion that can save our lives in times of danger, but when it invades daily life, it starts to pose a problem.
This emotion tends to paralyze us and leave us stuck in our comfort zone. We prefer to continue doing badly rather than face something new for the simple fact that we are afraid of what might happen or of having to leave certain aspects of our life behind.
What do you think, if instead of sitting on the couch waiting for life to change, you get up and start changing yourself? Have self-confidence. I guarantee you will start seeing results you never could have imagined. As a famous saying goes: to travel a thousand kilometers, you have to take the first step.
