Is It Possible To Hate The Loved One?
Hating your loved one is, in quotes, normal. We must remember that the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. Hate and love are two feelings that, because they are extreme in intensity, touch each other.
We must think that only machines are 100% consistent and obedient. If we push a button, they do as asked because their very nature prevents them from processing the order received in any other way. They have no choice, no alternative.
Human beings, on the other hand, process all the stimuli that come from the outside and the inside. There are many factors that influence us not to think or feel the same way every day.
Although we are moving within the limits of certain parameters that are relatively stable, we are always changing to some extent. Therefore, it is possible to hate the loved one.
love and hate, two sides of the same coin
Human beings rarely experience feelings and emotions in a pure way. Even the most tender and evolved love can leave, at any given time, a space for hate. Even the most caring mothers, for example, can feel rejection for the children they love so much.
We can come to hate the person we love because love and hate share part of their substrate.
This material is what allows us to talk about a shared territory, an emotional interdependence in which what the other does influences us. What the other does affects us for better or for worse. We are particularly sensitive to your actions.
Therefore, when the loved one responds to our expectations, feelings of affability, closeness and positive predisposition predominate. On the contrary, if what that person does hurts us, a feeling of hatred can arise.
It is not necessarily a visceral and destructive hatred, but a profound rejection of your actions, in which anger and sadness are mixed. So, by extension, we can come to hate the person we love.
we make mistakes and make mistakes with us
If we sin in love, it is idealism. Many eyes perceive it as an almost superhuman feeling, in which there is no room for contradictions or negative emotions. In practice, we find that this is not the case.
Everything human is paradoxical. We are smart and foolish, brave and fearful, mature and childlike. Certain traits predominate, but these do not exclude others.
Not even the love we feel for ourselves is completely stable. Sometimes we also hate each other a little bit. It can happen when we realize we’ve made a mistake, for example, or when we get carried away by impulses and do something we wouldn’t have done.
We make mistakes with people we love, and they make mistakes with us too. These are not always small mistakes, as in some situations they have to do with very important matters. It is possible to hate the person you love because no affection is exempt from this kind of contradiction.
hate the loved one
Every great love leaves its scars, just like childhood. In fact, balance in love rarely comes before that moment when the confronted learns to get along. This is the dynamic of these intense affects.
We can come to hate the person we love, but we can also rebuild affection and balance things out. Authentic love always includes these processes.
Each of us has a margin to be better. On the other hand, we all harbor a hateful part. Intolerances, conformisms, hesitations or selfishness that can never be completely overcome. It doesn’t make us better or worse, it just talks about our nature.
There is no need to fear those hateful feelings that sometimes arise in love: there is not necessarily a pathology. Nor does it necessarily mean that affection has deteriorated, nor that we are incoherent and evil monsters.
It’s healthier to accept that sometimes we hate those we love, and that this must be processed so that it doesn’t become destructive. When love is true, hate becomes transitory and leaves almost no marks.
