Getting Angry Isn’t Always Bad
Anger by itself is neither good nor bad. What we do when we get angry is what matters. Anger is a tool that helps us read and respond to disturbing social situations. But how to avoid losing control?
It is common to think that getting angry is a negative thing. And we often try to repress ourselves. But, going against that popular belief, research indicates that anger or annoyance increases optimism, creativity, and yield effectiveness. Furthermore, these studies suggest that the expression of anger can lead to more successful negotiations, both in personal life and at work.
In fact, repressing anger can actually be bad for your health. In this regard, Dr. Ernest Harburg and his team at the University of Michigan School of Public Health in the United States, for several decades, followed a group of adults in a study on rabies.
These researchers found that men and women who suppressed the anger they felt in response to an unfair attack were more likely to contract bronchitis and suffer heart attacks. They were also more likely to die before their peers, who let their anger rise when they felt uncomfortable.
Anger arises because we feel called to prevent or put an end to immediate threats to our well-being, or the well-being of our loved ones. But it is a mistake to assume that this act of kindness, compassion, love or justice is beneficial. A healthy society is not an anger-free society.
However, it is good to be cautious in how you express your anger. The expression of anger may be appropriate with certain people at certain times. The question is, how to do this without losing control?
How to control anger?
When we want to express anger, or any negative emotion, one way to do it is to start with what is called a “discomfort warning”, that is, to let other people know, explicitly, that emotions are being experienced. intense due to something concrete that happened. It’s easy if it’s said clearly.
Faced with the possibility that it is not clear, it is advisable to apologize in advance, not for emotions or actions, but for the possible lack of clarity in how to convey what you want to say. The purpose of a warning of discomfort is to disarm the other person, to prevent them from becoming defensive. When someone notices that the other is uncomfortable and that the conversation is difficult, empathy is more likely to emerge.
After that, it is necessary to delve into the cause of the upset, what you think and feel because of what happened. Why does anger arise instead of another emotion? Anger is hard to deal with, but you need to know why it appears and avoid ignoring it. In turn, it is necessary to recognize the difference between what can be changed and what is beyond one’s ability to control. If what happened is out of control, there is no benefit in expressing anger, but if something can still be done, communicating effectively can work.
The key to communicating anger is finding the right tone to convey what is displeasing to us.
In a second moment, it is important to stop the situation. The general tendency is to act immediately, especially if the situation is very tense. In order to avoid unnecessary shouting or fighting, or other violent reactions, it’s a good idea to give yourself a moment to think, even if we are in the middle of a conversation or discussion with someone.
It’s even good to let the other know that you need a moment, thus delaying the progress of the situation. Good decisions must prevail over quick decisions. Breathe deeply and slowly. There is a wide range of options to choose from in an emotionally charged situation.
