Female Existence Is Not Just About Caring For Others

In a time of female empowerment , it is inevitable to look at the history of the world. Woman has always had a hidden power. We know that, throughout history, we have lost and gained space again and again. At times we are in the shadow, at others as the main piece. Today we want to walk alongside men in all areas of life. We don’t need to compete, just conquer our space. Research shows that women study more, read more, lead better, spend 25% of their time involved in invisible work (taking care of the house), and still earn less than men, even though they are often more competent.

Culturally we were conditioned to take care of the family or to choose professions of caregivers such as teacher, HR, doctor, nurse. There are very few women in engineering, technology, politics. And those who are there suffer terrible prejudices.

What surprises me the most is that we, the women, are the ones who educate the male chauvinists of the world. How do we allow this to happen?  Among women’s many dilemmas is work. How to be a woman keeping women’s affairs up to date, taking care of the family and still working at the same time? First, we need to deconstruct this myth about work. In the 21st century and in the digital age, remote and part time jobs are becoming more and more common, we no longer have to choose jobs from 8am to 6pm and spend the whole day away from our children. The world is open, and there are countless possibilities for all of us. Women of all ages can return to the job market as advisors, mentors, freelancers, entrepreneurs or corporate employees.

The time when you had to choose between personal life and work is over : today we can do anything without losing quality of life or our balance. There is a group of women getting on an equal footing with men in the world of work. There are very different middle age groups. Some made up of women who left to build their families to dedicate themselves to their careers. Others who took the opposite option. And those that balance the two issues on a stable scale.

It’s always needed, even if it’s not for money. It is necessary because work nourishes the human being, connects him with social systems and with life. The biggest depressives are people who are out of work, unemployed or retired. Bitterness, depression and low self-esteem are common problems. I recently observed two women: one retired for a long time. Good life, but today she has depression because she feels loneliness and because, deep down, she is not at the service of anything but herself. The other, founder of a large national laboratory. Entrepreneur, hardworking, built a memorable work, works every day, married at 64, and has her own light and joy to spare.

Culturally, we are encouraged to take care of everyone around us : parents, siblings, friends, children, husband… if there’s space, and of course there isn’t, we have time for ourselves. One day, we realize that a few years have passed, and when we look in the mirror, we see an image we don’t recognize. We gain weight, we have wrinkles, skin spots, less hair, and an emptiness echoing in our minds: “ What have I done with my life? “. Few decide to turn the tables at this point, most go into depression and drag on for a long time. As an escape route, some women return to occupy the role of mother of adult child. As they do not have their own current story, they fit into someone else’s story, thus trying to make themselves useful and feel happy.

Taking care of the house and children for a while is legitimate. We know that babies are work and that many chores are really feminine, however much modern husbands help. We are the leaders of the house. The problem is to give up professional life 100% and not return to the subject over time. Always based on the accounts of the real stories of my work, I realize that women who do not produce professionally end up becoming uninteresting to their husbands and even their children. Home business does not generate curiosity, intellectual challenge, abundant exchange.

As much as we dedicate ourselves to social work, there is little to fulfill a need that all human beings have: to be useful to the world, valuable to society, able to offer our talent to produce something relevant, which impacts other people than just our family. Husbands and children have no long-term pride in women who are engaged in nothing but home or family life. In the medium term, these choices bring suffering to us women.

We need to reflect on our attitude towards life. We don’t need to become what we are not, but we have to know that every human being has within him an incessant desire to evolve. Evolving means exchanging with other people, teaching, learning, giving, receiving, learning, developing skills and being able to monetize using our talents. Female independence depends on the woman herself, who is often afraid of the world, has a syndrome of perfection, works to be recognized as a super woman, but who deep down thinks she is less capable than she really is. We all have space in the world, and we can be excellent professionals, great wives, good mothers and daughters, and an important player in society.

Build a whole and complete person. Take care of everyone, but take care of yourself in the same proportion. Her biggest job is not resting, pleasing others, taking children to school and preparing dinner for her husband. Life needs you. Use your power and talent on behalf of the world. We women make all the difference in every environment we go to.