Explaining Anger Is Healthier Than Showing It

Letting the knot of anger take our breath away and suffocate us will sooner or later cause the sting of anger to appear, and with it a hurricane that puts words in our mouths that we later regret. Learning to manage emotions is always healthier, more rational, and more practical than ending up in a pointless argument.

We know that at first glance this advice may seem easy, innocent, and even very obvious. We’re saying this for a very simple reason: Managing negative emotions like anger, anger, or irritation is our Achilles’ heel. In fact, there are still those who even today walk around with their adult disguise and their heads held high, while inside they hide the emotional maturity of a 4-year-old child.

Not only that, it is necessary to consider that anger extends its ramifications not only in the world of emotions. Our language and our cognition are attracted by the long tentacles of opposing feelings, sharp and terribly frustrated. However, there are people who swallow them and disguise them by pretending a skillful normality.

Little by little and day by day this lethal virus wreaks havoc. Communication becomes aggressive, treatment becomes unequal, self-esteem drops, blackmail appears, emotional unevenness and even psychosomatic disorders where the body itself shows the discontent of the mind.

Below, we explain how to face this very common reality.

The rage inside me that you don’t see

To understand how and how the universe of anger is part of our daily lives, let’s look at a very simple example. Amelia had a bad day at work. He arrives late for dinner at home, and when he walks through the door, Jaime, his partner, says he’s going out because he made arrangements with some friends. However, before leaving, he asks if it’s okay or if she would prefer him to stay at home with her. Amelia replies that it’s okay, that he can “do whatever he wants, no problem.”

The next morning, the protagonist can’t help but feel the terrible stab of anger. You feel bad because your partner has not been able to see in your face the marks of your bad day, of your despondency and suffering. Now, her discomfort increased even more because Jaime was also unable to see during breakfast her apathy, or the shadow of anger that hovers inside her like a wounded and caged animal.

This situation would probably have happened otherwise if Amelia had explained earlier that she had had a bad day. That she didn’t feel well, that she was broken, broken, and that she needed his support. However, sometimes circumstances get complicated, doubts appear and the desperate desire for others to understand almost without words what hurts in us.

On the other hand, this situation is also justified by a very real fact that comes directly from everything we have been taught since we were children: “Control yourself, disguise yourself, show it as if everything was within the normal range”. Self-control is probably the most misinterpreted aspect of emotional intelligence.

Nobody can control something they don’t understand by force, just because they do. You can’t put a lion in a cage if we don’t first understand its needs, its nature. However, it is clear that we cannot go around roaring and showing our claws, but we can be honest. Saying aloud simply “no, I’m not fine, I had a bad day today”.

Unravel the skein of anger before it’s too late

A little mishandled and unresolved irritation can lead to a big problem, a bad experience, and a bad weather that day after day will amplify your haze of toxicity. In fact, it is not necessary to remember here the strong impact that a person who is perpetually irritated usually has in the family environment and in a work context. They are walking black holes that leave sequels and break harmony.

Below, we present simple tips to reflect on and that can help us to prevent and alleviate the impact of these irritations on our daily lives.

5 tips for managing anger

The first step may go against many things that we were taught or recommended. You have to understand that anger is not a bad thing, that anger is not something you should swallow by force. It is necessary to adopt a positive and close attitude towards it: it is a warning alarm, a sign that we need to pay attention, understand and resolve.

• Feeling the contradiction, feeling angry about a particular situation, is something normal and even necessary. This is how we expand our defense mechanisms, defend our truths, our needs and values. Now, anger has an ultimate and constructive purpose, which is nothing more than resolving a situation of personal conflict.
• The second step is to realize our own level of arousal. When we are very nervous and anger controls us, it is very difficult to reason normally and make constructive decisions. It is necessary to unwind, breathe, regain calm, air the mind…
• The next strategy we’ll put into practice is a little more complex: we need to look at our own emotional conflict. What really bothers me? What is hurting me and why? What is making you vulnerable here? To what extent am I responsible?

Finally, with the priorities clear, we will put the most important thing to work. One thing that takes some time to learn but that needs to be practiced daily: assertive communication. Because in order to speak and to resolve a disagreement or a situation of opposing ideas, it is not necessary to harm anyone.

Let us therefore know how to be good managers of our own negative emotions, let us understand that communicating is reaching agreements, taking a position with respect, but being able, in turn, to create bridges to improve coexistence.