Emotional Tourism: Sailing Without A Compass In Love
When we have suffered a very painful love breakup or have had several unsuccessful relationships, we can get lost. Something like a ship stranded in the middle of the ocean, adrift and out of control. For many people, the alternative to this situation is emotional tourism. An escape ahead, with no healing, no prior scarring.
Separating from the person with whom we go through different stages of life entails suffering due to physical distance, but also emotional separation. And it is precisely the latter that is the most difficult to cure, because we tend to resist.
Emotional tourism, an incomplete grief process
After a breakup, many people go through a long grief process in which, little by little, they come into contact with reality: the loss of a life partner. At first they refuse to accept it. Later, hopelessness visits them and they may even experience depressive and anxiety symptoms.
The next stage in the process is acceptance. The return to the real world and the assumption that illusions were mere utopias. It’s time to rebuild and meet new people. Finally, if everything goes well, there is a feeling of overcoming. Eventually, the person is able to analyze the previous relationship objectively and learn from past mistakes.
Emotional tourism arises in people who do not complete this grief process out of fear or as a defense mechanism. They become anchored in one of the stages and deny themselves the opportunity to maintain positive relationships in the future. They choose to become insensitive and maintain interpersonal bonds with others as a tourist pastime.
The aimless navigators
Emotional tourists jump from person to person, from one place to another, from door to door, without a fixed direction. They just get carried away. They explore new sensations and define themselves as true adventurers. They seek pleasure, joy and euphoria. They don’t feel the need to commit or take responsibility for the people they bond with.
Now, don’t confuse these people with those who choose not to have a partner because they prefer to be single. Emotional tourism is not the result of choosing to be single, but rather a behavior derived from emotional self-sabotage.
They refuse the lasting bond
Emotional tourism unconsciously plays against a person’s desires. So, although these sailors want to start a stable relationship with a new partner, they cannot do so because they have not yet faced the pain of their previous breakup.
They are anchored in the past, although they pretend not to. Therefore, they prefer to go from island to island, without stopping to reflect on any coast. In this way, if they find their coveted “paradise”, they will not allow love to rule their hearts again. They let this person escape and continue to travel around the world.
Always leave the door open
If you come across them, they will certainly urge you to follow their philosophy. “It’s better to regret what we did than what we didn’t do.” “Take a chance. Otherwise you don’t know what could have happened.”
Emotional tourists often prefer a “goodbye” to a goodbye. They let you see that they can return at any time, but also that they never will.
histrionic intermittency
It’s fickle. Today yes and tomorrow no. The emotional tourist comes and goes. Your daily life is governed by instability, disorder and selfishness. Those on the other side end up not expecting anything from them.
This behavior can be very dangerous psychologically. It’s a way of living day to day that can become addictive and addictive. What’s more, if emotional tourism is assumed to be a way of life, being on this constant tightrope creates an insecurity that can be pathological.
excessive extroversion
Emotional tourists enjoy new friendships and sporadic relationships as much as letting them go or breaking them. Rarely do their relationships end up being productive because they prefer to enjoy the trip. Your life is based on the here and now.
If it’s temporary, it’s a learning experience.
However, sometimes it is convenient to leave the established and discover the world. Many people, after emerging from a particularly damaging and long-lasting love situation, decide to travel to new places.
If they start their emotional tourism route and are aware that they are doing it to get rid of their pain, then they will be able to sail, get lost and find themselves again without harming the people around them. This trip generally serves as a great learning experience because it becomes a well-developed and enriching experience.
How to help the emotional tourist
The most normal is that these people are not aware of the emotional strain they are suffering. If they decide to listen to you, it is advisable for you to advise them to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist. Only a couples expert can help them make the necessary adjustments to normalize their lives.
In these cases, it is not a question of changing convictions or values, but of helping to redirect the meaning of life and break the armor constructed as a protection mechanism for reciprocated affection.
