Do With Your Heart What You Do On The Subway: Let It Out Before You Let It In

Do with your heart what you do on the subway: to allow a new love to inhabit our interior, it is necessary to be free of any burden, fear and bitterness in order to advance fully in our current relationship. Yesterday’s loves must not make us prisoners to the point of closing the doors of our hearts. Because from love one must learn learning, maturation and growth.

We all have in our backpack of affective experiences that we carry with us memories that inevitably determine how we are. Relationships, like bones, break down and we know that, in some cases, we are very hurt by these failures that leave real scars on the soul.

All of this can have great repercussions in our lives and, therefore, before starting new relationships, it is always advisable to spend a prudent time in solitude, to understand and rebuild.

We often say the oft-repeated phrase “good ex is dead ex”. But what we should actually practice in place of physical and emotional distance is emotional integration and detachment. It is first of all about accepting what has happened and taking on the learning gained from the situation, then severing the bond of suffering and then curing it.

This place in the heart where our loves still dwell…

The human mind does not have a magic switch by which we can turn off or send to the recycling bin every traumatic or negative experience. If it doesn’t happen that way, it’s just for one reason: because human beings need to learn, acquire experience to adapt much better to their surroundings and to those with whom they live.

Nowadays, in the age of social networks and technology, we all know that relationships have no reason to be forever, we also know that nobody dies of love, that being single can be something wonderful. Despite all this, however, we remain incorrigible romantics. Because the heart does not always respond to reason and, when we least expect it, someone tramples us so hard that we are groundless … and again we fall in love.

In the heart, or rather, in this no man’s land occupied by our emotional memory that comes from the brain, all our relationships, current and previous, live together, more or less intensely, whether we want to or not. In case there are traumatic or unsatisfactory stories, these can directly affect our self-image as a couple and also that of other people. Every emotional charge or failure not adequately resolved affects our affective and relational health.

Open the doors of your heart and just let it go…

Something that many couples psychologists agree on is that the overriding problem is that no one educates us to create healthy, assertive love relationships. Most of us are limited to reproducing learned patterns, often negative.

Nobody tells us how to turn the page in the face of emotional failure, or how to forget about strong disappointments and betrayals. Most of us feel our way like blind people in this strange and complex world that is that of affective relationships.

Tips for letting go of past relationships

Hate is an emotion as intense as love, so it won’t do us any good to feed negative emotions such as anger. Besides, it won’t be useful to try to put into practice the famous strategy of “not getting involved so as not to suffer”. This is closing the part of our heart to prevent us from being hurt again, but it also prevents happiness.

• Those who decide not to love again, in fact, are stuck with yesterday’s pain. He remains a prisoner of those who harmed him, and this type of slavery is neither healthy nor logical. It is necessary to stop being so attached to certain things, to certain people and also to these negative emotions. A time of solitude comes very well to close these cycles, to heal absences and help with reunions.

• An ex-love should only be present on one plane, on the plane of the past. All that is contained in yesterday must have a clear function and purpose: to help us move forward more wisely, more cautiously, but more freely. Because the knowledge acquired is power, and now we just need to deactivate the emotional bond.

• One of the problems that exist these days is that even if a relationship ends, the presence on social networks continues to be active and screaming. The most recommendable in these cases – and this is something very particular that each one has to decide for themselves – would often be to eliminate the old relationships of virtual environments.

To conclude, we must be clear that when starting a new relationship, it is common to see with our new affectionate peers current problems faced with peers from the past. If we don’t handle the situation properly, reflecting and acknowledging the fear to overcome it, we can reach unsustainable situations.

It is necessary to accept each other with our scars and our pasts, because what we are now is also the result of our experience. Nevertheless, we have to face the present as it appears, as something new, uncertain and wonderful. Something worth living with the expectation of a child and the experience of an adult.