Can You Take It Till You Burn? Meet Boiled Frog Syndrome

Sometimes we put up with harmful situations and people for a very long time,  just because we follow the unspoken saying that “we have to take it when there is no other solution”. To reflect on this, today we will share a story about Boiled Frog Syndrome.

We cannot ignore that many of us subject our emotional well-being to needs that we consider most basic. It also happens often that we no longer only think about our own well-being, but also that of other people who depend on us in some way.

We can also  endure an edge situation for a long time because of emotional dependency, a destructive relationship, or because we need an emotional culture  to know what’s normal and what’s not.

Boiled Toad Syndrome

Put a frog in a container filled with water and start heating the water. As the water temperature starts to rise, the frog adjusts its body temperature accordingly. The frog continues to adjust its body temperature as the water temperature increases.

What killed the frog? Think about it! I know a lot of people will say it was the boiling water, but actually  what killed the frog was his own inability to decide when to jump.

What does this metaphor tell us about ourselves

This metaphor has many meanings for different situations in life,  for our relationships, work, personality, health behavior, etc. People who are involved in a relationship that does not cause them well-being constantly adjust to their partner’s wishes, opinions, and resignations so as not to cause discomfort. They believe they can take it or that they have no other solution but to do it.

However, in general,  holding on this way for an extended period of time leads to nothing more than problems or borderline situations. At the moment when we least expect it, we will reach an extreme situation, we will not take it anymore and we will need to jump, flee or at least increase our withdrawal from the situation or the relationship, but perhaps we will already be very hurt.

Maybe we no longer have the strength to deal with this last extreme situation  that occurs because we don’t have the energy, we don’t have a way out, we didn’t think anything before or we were already too damaged or injured to get out of this situation and fall into another one that we don’t know if it will be worse.

A matter of everyday stress and acute stress

Richard Lazarus has already pointed out the different ways of dealing with stress and also indicated that there are two types of stress: everyday stress and stressful life events.

We are often told that stressful situations in life, such as divorce, death of loved ones, loss of home or work, will affect us a lot, and perhaps it will. But faced with such events with a great negative charge, we prepare our organism and face the situation: “we jump in time”.

However, it  is the stressful daily events (even more so when they go on for a long period of time) that we have to worry about the most. Some of these events are not differentiated as negative for a long time. This is the case of abuse between couples, as sometimes we receive positive attitudes, others negative, others bearable. Thus, the discomfort remains, adjusts itself, until the situation becomes unbearable.

The best way to face this fact is to acknowledge it, that is, not to boycott ourselves saying that maybe this is normal. If you feel bad in the same situation or with the same person for an extended period of time, something is wrong.

You must jump. It is not about running away, but about jumping, facing the situation and thinking about the solutions that exist. Remember that those who put up with too much rarely come to the end with strength to try to change the situation. Perhaps the damage has already been done and is already internalized, just as in the case of Boiled Frog Syndrome.