Being Good About Yourself Is Better Than Being Good About Everyone

Understanding that being good about yourself is preferable to being good about everyone else is synonymous with health and well-being. It is like the learning that is gained after a long journey where, little by little, we leave certain situations behind to make light progress, free from loads in our backpacks and stones in our shoes. It is an awakening that allows us to live our lives more honestly.

However, even though in theory it seems easy to understand and this idea even offers enough material to write more than one book on personal growth, it can be said that, in practice, we fail quite a lot at this. To better understand this subject, we will give a small example to reflect on. Imagine that you are looking through a window at something that happens every morning at the same time. There is the neighbor, bringing his little potted plant every day so that he receives the sunlight in a regular way. He does this with care and absolute dedication: he cuts its branches, waters it, puts fertilizer… we could even say that he gives the plant affection.

It’s something that draws a lot of attention for a specific fact. Our neighbor has never seemed like a very happy man, has a job he doesn’t like, and is the typical person who tries to please everyone. His resigned need to satisfy others makes him a puppet that can be manipulated by anyone: family, bosses, friends… In fact, they pull the “strings” so much that they start to fray: our young neighbor has already suffered the his first threat of a heart attack.

Each day when we watch him walk out with the beautiful and caring potted plant, we ask why he doesn’t treat himself with the same dedication and love as he does his little tree. Feeling good about yourself is something that, without a doubt, the neighbor should learn to practice, giving up on some relationships, nurturing self-esteem and looking for more authenticity in order to regain their dignity and well-being…

Feeling good about yourself: a matter of logic and necessity

Epiceto said that “just as when we walk we try not to step on a nail or twist an ankle, in life we ​​should direct ourselves with the same attention” , that is, preventing other people from harming us, avoiding bothering others and protecting ourselves at all the evil. However, on some occasions we don’t do this: we neglect ourselves in a perverse and purposeful way. We forget that when a person goes from feeling good about themselves to prioritizing others, it is not healthy.

We forget, perhaps, that trying to please everyone by putting off your own needs is neither logical nor recommendable. So, in allowing this sacrifice to make us feel bad about ourselves for one thing or another, we feel a sense of emptiness, indecision, and frustration, which is an extremely high price to pay.

Let us remember that what is taken care of prospers, and what is defended and fed ends up bearing fruit. So, something that we should also reflect is that there are times when it would be necessary to put aside the emotional aspects to make use of reason. Separate what we feel and remember what we need.

We are aware that Emotional Intelligence has a lot of influence today; however, there are very concrete moments where the most logical and rational thinking works best. The reason? It is this kind of mental perspective that most encourages us to make strong decisions to initiate changes for our own benefit.

Erich Fromm said that people have the subtle ability to live in constant contradiction. This makes us sometimes think that if others are happy, I’m happy too, that if I tell a certain person that I support what they do even though it’s not true, I’ll get their approval and indulgence and , consequently, this will give me well-being.

Similar dualities are destructive, they are situations with a high emotional cost where, above all, meaning and reason should prevail: if I don’t like something, I walk away, if I don’t agree with something, I speak, if they harm me , I defend myself, if I’m not happy I try to get it my way.

The way to well-being with yourself

The way to feel good about yourself comes from the sense of balance. It is not a matter of practicing self-indulgence and prioritizing ourselves in virtually any terrain, moment or circumstance. Healthier well-being does not derive from narcissism, but from healthy coexistence where the individual understands that in order to “be” he also needs to “let be”.

To achieve this, we can reflect on the following perspectives. Each one of them requires an adequate internalization to be able to be integrated in our lives:

• Self-confidence: believing in our own internal resources allows us to be more competent when it comes to making decisions, to move forward knowing who is and who is not, what we need at all times and how we can achieve these goals.
• Rationalize thoughts. When we fail to feel good about ourselves, it is almost always due to this exhausting, critical and negative internal dialogue that builds obstacles to our personal development. Let us learn, therefore, to rationalize our thinking, to dispel fears and to stop being our own enemies.

• Let’s be friends in life: Instead of wanting to be “everyone’s friend”, of being good with everyone in order to feel accepted, let’s change the perspective a little. Let’s be life’s friends, let’s be open to opportunities, to optimism, to the sense of freedom, and not to the indulgence and dependence of others.
• Discover the potential in you: when we discover our strengths, when we harness our virtues, abilities and talents, everything in us comes into harmony. We feel our courage to start things without depending on others, things that bring satisfaction and will allow us to move forward with a benign feeling.

Finally, let us remember that when you feel good about yourself, what fate prepares starts to matter less. Inside you there is so much energy, confidence and optimism that nothing can stop your steps. Let us not waste this virtue that we all have within us.